Mercy triumphs over judgement

This morning I read this verse:

"Mercy triumphs over judgement."

It's found in the book of James, chapter 2, verse 13.

My roommate and I sat and discussed what it possibly might mean.  We came to a conclusion that identifying with a person and attempting to empathize and understand him or her wins out over distancing yourself from a person and creating a stark line between the two of you.  

The verse comes in the context of James teaching that "believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ" should not show favoritism.  Specifically, James mentions, in the issue of wealth.  He paints a scenario for his Christian readers to better understand: 

"Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in.  If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?" (verses 3-4)

James goes on to point out that there are rich people who exploit Christians, take them to court, and slander the name of their Lord.  James points out the Christians' misunderstanding that wealth equals superiority.  He reminds the Christians that "If you keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right."  But judging a person by their wealth alone does not correlate with loving one's neighbor as one's self. 

The entirety of verse 13 reads "because judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful.  Mercy triumphs over judgement!"

In the midst of struggling with superiority, James here points out that mercy is superior to judgement.  And so, Christians should not judge a person by their financial state, but rather show mercy to all people - identify with them, empathize with them, attempt to understand them - and in doing this, you will simultaneously be "loving your neighbor as yourself," because we all desire to me understood rather than prematurely judged.

It's interesting that James claims that mercy triumphs over judgement, yet in the prior sentence he states that judgement without mercy will triumph over those who do not show mercy.  Isn't this a case of judgement triumphing over mercy?  

Perhaps James is trying to say that, for humans, mercy is better than judgement, because God alone can judge peoples' hearts and souls.  As far as our human relationships are concerned, it is always superior to show mercy rather than judgement on our fellow humans, because we are limited and do not see through to each person's heart and soul.  In fact, the only thing we can be completely 100% sure about is what we see on the outside of a person: their flesh and their clothes.  

It seems James is stressing that we should seek to understand each other out of love and through mercy by entering into relationships with each other where we can grow to see a person's heart and soul rather than distancing ourselves from one another as if we have each other all figured out.  

God sees to the core of our very hearts and souls.  But we, on the other hand, cannot automatically see into a person's heart and soul.  That is the discovery of life.  That is what gives meaning to our existence here: learning to love and understand another person as he or she opens his or her heart and soul to you.  As we grant mercy and seek understanding, we find ourselves opening up our hearts and souls to one another, and as we do this we are able to see each other's fragile core, in such desperate need of mercy, care, tenderness, and protection - so that some part of it can be saved as pure, precious, and pouring over with life.  A Jewish proverb claims that the heart "is the wellspring of life" and it should therefore be guarded "above all else."  It sound like showing mercy to one another triumphs judgement because it guards our hearts by keeping them unbroken and therefore full, streaming with life.

A boring post.

I apologize in advance that my posting has not been as consistent as I said it would be.  Here it is halfway through June and I didn't even write for May...  But better late than never, sometimes... right?

The most recent update: things are going very well for me here.

The month of May was full of finishing up study skills with my students, taking final exams, finishing research projects, and traveling home to California to see family and friends.

One rather big update that you don't know about my life is that I have decided to sell my Mazda3 in order to buy a cheaper car and not have a car payment when I graduate!  I drove Vikki home in May and left her there for my parents to sell (since it's a CA title and technically in their name) and flew back here to OK.  I bought a bike from an international friend who flew back to France at the end of last semester, so that's currently how I'm making my way back and forth to work and around town.  My legs were KILLING me the first week (I couldn't fall asleep at night the first few nights, and I felt like my quads were HUGE) and my butt was pretty sore all the time, but now it's all good and I'm enjoying the commute a lot.

A blessing I received at the beginning of June was a generous offer from the Kopke's to buy their old Camry for $500.  It's a 1996 blue Camry with an RBHS parking sticker on it... but the AC works and it runs smooth, so it sounds great to me!  Plus... no car payment!  

Also, things changed at my work.  They informed me after the first week of June that, due to budget cuts, the study skills program had been trimmed down to freshmen only, and since Candice is a GA, she will be teaching it (she has been teaching sophomore study skills).  At first, this news was hard to handle because I felt it was a nice way of the department easing me into unemployment.  My supervisor assured me that they were going to find work for me to do to keep me on staff (because there's been a hiring freeze, so they want me to do any jobs that might come up).  At first I was worried that I wouldn't have much to do and they would have to let me go, but in reality the exact opposite has happened.  One of my coworkers has been on vacation for the past two weeks, so I have been doing her job (coordinating subject tutoring).  Also, I've been administering a reading assessment to incoming freshmen, which has been an interesting learning experience (and resume booster) but also exhausting.  

It's interesting to walk into the office every day to find myself doing another job.  I have been assigned to tutor a female sophomore student in study skills twice a week one-on-one, and I have also been assigned to be a note-taker for a class no one else is available for.  This next week I will be doing another coworker's job while she is on vacation (she is the coordinator for the writing center).  The experience has taught me an important skill to have in a workplace: flexibility.  

I'm enjoying my class, I think primarily because I'm only taking one, rather than three.  We meet three times a week for four hours each class session, but the material we cover is so interesting that the time goes really quickly.  And I've actually been keeping up with the reading!  Which makes me feel like a more responsible student.  The class is about media and pop culture - how to teach students to be critical viewers of the media, as well as teaching them how to use media to their advantage.  We also talk about how to use pop culture to teach basic reading and writing skills to our students - the theory being using material they are interested in, because studies show students learn much more when they are engaged with the material.  I'm learning a lot and loving the decision to take the class this summer.

Also, my friends and I have decided to become better cooks this summer.  Candice and I have been making a lot of our own sauces, dishes, and desserts.  We've had a dinner party every Friday night this summer.  Marisa, my roommate, has decided that Friday is officially pie day, and we are going to make a different pie every Friday, document the experience with pictures, and then blog about the experience.  We're hoping to develop a following...

Also, as a side note, I moved in May.  I'm now living off-campus, about 2 miles north-west of OU, in a house with one other graduate student.  The house is quaint and newly remodeled, so it is very comfortable.  I have my own bedroom, AC, a washer and dryer in the house, and a dishwasher.  It's worth the extra $60-$100 dollars a month.  We're also looking for 1-2 more roommates, and have two promising prospects.  We're hoping to have a friend move in with a dog, and another girl move in who is interested in growing  a vegetable garden.  Yes, please!

Anyways, this post is pretty boring, but I wanted to update you all on the fact that life is going well and I am very thankful and happy to be here.  I'm sorry for not calling you all more often, but I'm going to try to get on that soon!  Love and miss you, thank you for your friendship and love.

All that I need

April is almost half-way over and I haven't written since the end of February.... Here is my most recent update.

One reason why I've been waiting to update you all is because many aspects of my life have been up in the air lately, and I was worried to write something down only to have circumstances change in the next minute, day, or week.

About a month ago I was feeling very overwhelmed with my schedule. I felt as if I was waking up every morning asking, "Didn't my alarm just go off yesterday? Did an entire day go by without me knowing?" I felt like I was a robot: rising at 5:45am to bathe and dress, head to sessions with students that started at 8am, grab a quick bite to eat before class, sit through lectures and group presentations, attempt to glance over my required reading or research while eating dinner, and then hit the sack by 10pm if I was lucky. I didn't have any time to myself. And the most important thing I didn't have any time for was writing. I may not blog all that often, but I write something, somehow, somewhere almost every day. If I don't write every day, I at least spend time intentionally dreaming or reflecting. With my schedule I felt I had no time to even reflect on my day, much less my life and where it was going. I felt I was being run like a machine, as if my life was living me instead of me living my life, and I knew in my core that something needed to change.

So for Spring Break I went down to Austin, and hated the fact that I had to leave. I was sad to leave the last time I visited Austin, but this time when I drove into Norman I wasn't happy to be back. I went to class the next day and simply did not want to be there. I loved my time in Austin so much I started praying about when I could move there. I was thinking I would move when I finished my program, but then that got all tossed around about two days after I started asking the Lord for blessing and direction.

That same week back from Spring Break I found out that I could finish my program and graduate with my teaching certification and thesis in-hand by next May (2010). The catch is that I would have to write my thesis this fall and then defend it in the spring while I'm student teaching. No big deal, right? Oh except a thesis is 50-80 pages of literature reviews, first-hand research, and my own creative, authentic, theory. Yeah, you know, no big deal...

So I found myself in a debate over what I wanted to do: push through and be even more ridiculously stressed or take my time and stretch my program out. I wanted to choose the option of taking my sweet time, but then I did not want to be in Norman any longer than I had to (I want to get to Austin ASAP). So a professor of mine encouraged me to look into transferring, which sounded like a risk but also a dream come-true if it could work out. For about a week it was all I could think about: I looked into jobs, roommates, and the two public universities in Austin: UT and Texas State. Unfortunately, neither one of these schools works perfectly with what I want. Texas State doesn't have the same Master's I am working on right now (which is a program I specifically chose) and although UT has the same Master's, they don't have the joint degree of certification, so it would end up taking me at least 4 if not 5 years to obtain the same degree and credentials I can earn here by next May.

After learning of this devastating news, I made the decision to push through and finish my Master's by next spring. Hopefully I will be able to obtain a job in Austin and start my teaching career in Texas after obtaining my degree. I will take summer school all summer this year and work full time. Then I will cut my work load down to half-time in the fall while I write my thesis and (hopefully) coach girls basketball at Whittier Middle School here in Norman. In the spring, I will not work at all while I defend my thesis and student teach and finish the girls bball season. After that semester I will look for a teaching position in Austin, and move down there that summer (taking a nice long vacation to Mexico with Camille to celebrate our graduation and improve my Spanish).

I am going to have to use more of my financial aid than I did this past school year, but in the end it will save me money because I will be able to start working sooner and I will enter the teaching world with my Master's completed. I'm not exactly thrilled to spend the long, hot summer here in Norman going to class at least three times a week, but I am happy I have made a decision about where I will finish my program, and so far I have everything I need to get through it. While I would still say that this program is killing me slowly, I'm thankful that I have all the support and provision that I need to succeed in reaching my goals so that I can further pursue my dreams. It seems a little silly, but also so fitting, that I have been hearing this children's Sunday school song in my head all throughout this year:

Our God is so BIG!
so STRONG! And so MIGHTY!
there's nothing our God cannot do!

God has been too good to me here; I do not deserve all the blessings of provision: financially, spiritually, emotionally, and socially. But as a friend of mine from Austin reminded me recently, "If God brought you to it, then he can get you through it." While this saying may be a cliche in the Christian community, I am starting to think it just might actually be true. Perhaps this really is the place God wants me to be, in the program he wants me in, for a purpose bigger than my small human dreams can even fathom. And he's so big, strong, and good that he will get me through whatever it is that I must face. And to that I say, "Thank you, Lord, for providing and being all that I need."

Testing Love

The season of Lent in the liturgical church calendar began on Wednesday, but it wasn't until this morning that I intentionally spent time going through what I want to give up this year, and more importantly, what I want to take on.

I'll guide you through how I came to my decision.

 

February has played its iconic role as the month of love for me this year.  I met a wonderful young fellow at the end of January who is friendly, genuine, caring, talented, and overall rather impressive.  We struck up a budding new friendship that soon developed into a prospect for something more.  It was full of excitement, anticipation, and joy.  But as our conversations progressed into deeper topics and later nights, I found myself wrestling with various emotions - and not all of them were pleasant.  

I am aware that I am a rather lonely person when it comes to romantic love.  I can only think of one year in my entire life that I was not seriously crushing on someone (and that was senior year of high school, when all the great catches seemed to be taken).  Although I have become pretty realistic and sensible when it comes to love, I grew up a hopeless romantic.  I never thought about dating; I dreamed of who I would marry.  Since kindergarten I have spent each year of my life dreaming over some boy who I've desired to be my one true love.  I usually developed my crushes at school in the fall, or during the late summer when I would attend my brothers' soccer/baseball/whatever sport they were playing practices and games.  By the end of the school year I would be so in love with the boy, that somehow I would end up sharing my feelings with him.  

In first grade, it was Ryan, who I held hands with during "story time" on the carpet squares while Mr. McNiff sat in his big comfy red chair and read to us.  In second grade, it was Nathan, who I walked to lunch with and sat next to while we ate our pb and j sandwiches and swung our legs as one unit under the table in the cafeteria.  In fourth grade it was Brad, a brother of one of the boys on my brother's soccer team.  He was my first experience of rejection: I told him that I liked him, and for valentine's day he made me this sweet valentine on the computer that had the message "You are a great FRIEND!" in all caps neatly displayed inside it.  In fifth grade I had it bad for Lauren, a boy on my other brother's baseball team, who I called at the end of the school year pretending I was at a sleepover and had been "dared" to ask if he had liked any other girl besides Jenna that school year.  His answer of "no" was my second experience with rejection, although not as direct.  Sixth grade was the mark of my first "boyfriend" who was none other than Ryan from first grade.  I only started "dating" him because one day at recess all of the girls in our class rushed into the bathroom to tell me, "Kelsie, Ryan says he'll go out with you if you ask him."  Not really knowing what "going out" meant, I said, "Ok.  Let's go to the soccer field," and I proceeded to ask Ryan if he would be my "boyfriend."  All of junior high consisted of similar "boyfriend" events with Frank, Justin, Robert, John, Billie, and Kevin.

In high school my crush began with David, the dreamy senior with blue eyes and beach-blonde hair, then moved to Andrew, Andrew, Ben, and finally Andrew again.  College was then consumed with Jon and Jeff, as well as a few other randoms (Adam, Ben, Robert*, and the boys I met in Europe). 

I can't tell if it's a good or bad thing that I can remember each boy I have liked or crushed on for my entire lifetime.  They must have all meant something, though, right?  That's a good sign that I genuinely cared for them in some way, right?

Anyways, the reason I went into all of that is because I have decided to give up men for my fast of lent.  I have chosen to give up contacting my ex-boyfriend, whom I just can't seem to let go of (or stop bothering, though he's so nice he wouldn't say that to my face), and I've chosen to stop pursuing things further with this new gentleman.  In place of giving up these men, I have chosen to take on Jesus, who was also a man, but the perfect man who all others fall short of (including myself).

I decided to take this step primarily because of all the various emotions I was experiencing during the process of getting to know this new guy.  I'm not sure of what I want in my life, especially when it comes to romantic love.  What I think I do know, however, is that I want someone who will be my best friend: someone I can talk to about anything, and though he may not be able to understand it all, he will at least be willing to listen, and most importantly, be willing to attempt understanding.  I want to be with someone who will feel he can share anything he wants with me, and who will know that though I may not understand, I will be open to developing an understanding, compassion, and support for him.  I want someone who I can learn from, and who can learn from me.  I want someone who respects me and wants what's best for me, regardless of how that involves him.  And I want to feel that same way about him: I want him to have the best and to follow what he needs and wants, regardless of how it concerns me.  I want a man who values me above all as the person I am, not the person he wants me to be, nor the person he wishes I could be (or believes I can be).  And I, likewise, want to love someone for exactly who they are, with all of their flaws, shortcomings, and ugliness included.  

My life habit of constantly dreaming is, I think, what might be the cause of my loneliness when it comes to romantic love.  I think I have always dreamed of the men I want and tried to find a guy who I could then make fit that mold.  I think this has been the biggest cause of pain in my last relationship: I failed to love him for who he is, rather than who I thought he could be or should be, and I think he was guilty of the same act in his projection onto me the person he wished I could be.  Presently, I think our friendship is strained because we both have yet to love each other for who we really are, not who we used to be or who we both feel the other person could (or should) be.

So I want to take this time of lent to stop dreaming of the man I want to have, and learn more about the man I DO have: Jesus.  I know it sounds cliche and cheesy to love my ultimate "husband" (Jesus) and spend time getting to know him.  But sometimes sayings have become cliche because of their truth that cannot be explained in any simpler way. 

Today I spent time reading the beginning of the Gospel according to Matthew.  In taking on Jesus this Lenten season, I have decided to read through the Gospels since that's where all the red letters are.  This morning I came across Jesus' temptation in the desert - his 40 days of temptation and testing (Matthew 4:1-11).  I was struck with the disheartening realization that I see myself above my Lord and Savior.  I rarely fast or give things up for God, merely because I tell myself its a ritualistic tradition that doesn't really draw us closer to God, we only think it does.  But after reading this passage, I was struck with conviction about my arrogance. Matthew tells us that Jesus was "led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil" (4:1).  The commentary in this Bible (the Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible) states:

"Matt. 4:1 says it is the Spirit that led Jesus out into the wilderness to be tested.  By definition God tests (intending to strengthen the believer's moral character) and the devil tempts (intending to destroy that selfsame character).  Paradoxically, the same set of circumstances can be taken either as a test or a temptation depending on the response.   Jesus responds as a believer . . . ." 

 How could I think that I would be above the same testing/tempting that my own Lord and ultimate life Teacher was subjected to?  I see this Lenten season as my own wilderness-esque scenario of testing/temptation.  Who will I ultimate love and obey: God or myself?  

I often feel like I am my own devil.  I make my own plans, my own dreams, of what (and who) I want, and then I connivingly create a scheme for going about getting what I want.  Jesus was tempted by the same enticements from the devil to rely on his own power to make bread, command the angels, and ultimately rule the world (Matt. 4:3-10).  But I think, as the commentators in this particular study Bible suggest, that Jesus saw the devil's temptation as a test of his love and devotion to God; and I think that ultimately Jesus did not want to deny that love or jeopardize his relationship with God.  So, this is my model for the next 40-some days of lent (technically less now).  I see difficult circumstances in relationships as a sort of testing that produces a stronger love and bond than the one we already possess; testing reinforces the truth that already exists, making it more refined and clear.  So I hope that I can come out on the other side of these next forty days proclaiming just as Jesus did: "Away with you, Satan!  For it is written, 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve only Him'" (Matt. 4:10).  And in Jesus' case, "the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him" (4:11).  Perhaps such a victory can be mine, as well: the devil's burden of loneliness will be gone from me, and the love of God's angels will surround me, empowering me to love and minister to others, just as Jesus exemplified for all his followers to model.

Peace

Alright, my goal is going to be to write on this thing at least once a month.  So since the last time I wrote was Jan 16, this will count for my February post.

I don't have much to update on.  I love reading Jordan's and Camille's blogs - I am so happy to see my dear friends out exploring the world and learning more about it.  I also love living vicariously through them!  Like today, Camille said that she is so over Europe because Latin America offers everything Europe used to: authenticity, diverse culture, and inexpensiveness!  I've been thinking about how Latin America needs to be my next travel destination.  One: because it's so close and inexpensive.  Two: because I really want to learn Spanish so that I can better communicate with and relate to my students.  And three: because I've only ever been to TJ and Tecate, which are really mini versions of San Diego, just across the border.  I'm thinking that my next time to travel will be next summer (2010) before I start teaching full-time in the fall.  I think it will be the perfect opportunity to go to Mexico and learn Spanish, since I will be in the classroom that fall.  Plus, I will need to finish my thesis, and what better way to write than in an exotic setting discovering new people and places and soaking in another culture?  Now I just need to find a friend to come with me... Camila??  :)

Lately I've been amazed at how much I am loving life out here in Oklahoma.  My roommate's brother, Andrew Kopke, told me I like it so much because I had such low expectations.  And maybe that's true.  But to give Oklahoma credit, I have really loved the people I've met here.  While talking to my CA friend, Sarah, on the phone the other week, she mentioned that she was really happy that I've met so many good friends so quickly.  I told her that it's been so easy to make friends because people are so friendly.  I know that people on the West coast tend to make fun of Southerners by saying that they are "fake" (even my friends in the Northwest would say that to me about Californians), but I don't see the southern hospitality as being "fake."  I truly feel most people here are genuinely hospitable.  I love feeling so welcomed into peoples' homes, families, and just their lives in general.  And not everyone in the South is ultraconservative.  And not every Christian is a bible-thumping bigot.  While those people do exist, I've met so many people who think on such an opposite scale - people who want to defy their stereotype and change their culture.  I'm finding a very nice mesh of my two favorite cultures here: southern friendliness and northern intellectualism.  Although this move felt like taking a blind leap of faith, I feel it couldn't have been more perfect to matching exactly what I wanted for this phase of my life.  And each week, it just keeps getting better.  Hopefully next blog I can be more detailed and give more tangible examples.  But for now, you (Jordan) can bask in my vagueness and abstract descriptions. 

Peace. 

Dreams (Un)Fullfilled

While I was browsing through autobiographies today for the spring study skills course I'm teaching, I came across this poem by Langston Hughes:


Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.


Ever since I left home in the fall of 2004 I have been searching to fulfill my dreams. I went away for college, chose a major that spoke to my soul, gave up finding my identity in the "athlete" image, worked as a summer camp counselor, gave my heart away to my first love, searched to understand how God reveals himself around the globe by going on my first international mission trip, witnessed how easily the Lord is able to provide, spent a semester studying at my ultimate dream school from my teenage years (Westmont College), traveled to Africa, committed to a group of friends, and travelled around Europe with good friends while carrying only one backpack (normal school-size, not hiking).

I've achieved many of my heart's dreams, and discovered new ones. Growing up I always thought that I would go off to college, earn a great education, meet my one true love, marry after graduation, and begin building my own family. Aside from perhaps pursing medical school (my childhood dream to become a doctor), I never anticipated that graduate school would be part of my life. I also never anticipated finding a person I would genuinely love and give my heart to, truly feel I wanted to marry, and then ironically wind up on the other end of a phoneline hearing his words: "I don't feel in my heart that you are the one."

I never had dreams post-college, except to be married, start a family, work hard, and spend time travelling overseas to discover new places while sharing with under-developed countries the skills I had acquired through the education given to me. Though I'm only 23 (next Thursday!), I find myself wondering if I'll see my final dream come true: marriage and family. Though I claim to be a strong feminist and know many women older than myself who are single, happy, and successful (and honsetly am content with my current life being single with no serious prospects), I know in the back of my mind and in the core of my heart I wonder if I will achieve the dream of being a wife and mother. The mistakes I've made in former relationships whisper lies of guilt to me from time to time while falling asleep at night, especially after I run into an old love interest/friend/boyfriend.

I've been questioning whether I should still "hold fast" to my dream, as Langston Hughes puts it, or simply allow my "broken-winged bird" to die. Being a Christian, I wonder why I have such a desire to become a wife and mother. Do I simply desire what my culture claims is "normal" for a female? Am I merely listening to my culture's inaccurate message that a grown woman only has value and meaning in our society as a wife and mother? Am I holding onto a merely human desire - a desire from the old self that has been crucified with Christ - a desire I have been told to put off and let go of?

Which advice do I take? "The Christian life is a life of suffering where we do not always find all of our dreams and heart's desires met"? or "God has someone else for you and he will be even better than you ever dreamed or imagined"? I'm sure the advice to take lies somewhere inbetween these two statements.

For now, I believe in Langston Hughes's words to hold on to our dreams, for without them, life is broken, barren, unfullfilling, and empty. Psalm 37: 4,5 reads, "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Perhaps as I give this final dream to the Lord and allow him to work in my life however He wants, I will find a fullfillment and joy bigger than marriage and motherhood combined. Perhaps God will give me new desires, which He will bring to pass in His ease and timing. It does seem demanding (and un-Christian in certain respects) to expect following Christ will make all of the things I desire for my life come true. Didn't I turn to Christ because I believed I couldn't find my own fullfillment of love, joy, and even a good way of life? Didn't I call on Him to be my Savior because I claimed I needed saving from myself? Isn't being a Christian all about being transformed by the Holy Spirit to be like Christ himself, who only ever delighted in the will of the Father?

So, after much heartache, sorrow, and confusion, I seem to have concluded with the timeless message Christians have been trusting in and speaking to the world since Christ's coming to this earth: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6). And so, I will choose to learn to trust that God is actively caring about my life, and sees me, and loves me, and is directing my paths.

Unpoetic List

It's been a while between my last post and this new one. Since then, I have:

1. Completed my first semester of grad school. (Only three more left! I love how this moves so much faster than undergrad!)

2. Flown home: (having to pay $15 for my checked bag - and it was NOT overweight!)
-seen all of my best friends from high school (minus Kate),
-spent time with my family,
-met my parents' new puppy,
-realized my grandparents are getting older and more dependent,
-helped my 17 year-old cousin look at California colleges, and
-remembered the goodness of God and the amazing ways He has revealed His love to me in San Diego

3. Flown to Seattle: (thankfully Southwest is BOMB and doesn't charge you for baggage! So I checked two)
-got denied service at the Crow,
-ate at a new Thai restaurant with my Jordy,
-rung in the New Year at the space needle (best New Year's ever!),
-met up with my former Ukraine teammates and adventurers,
-had breakfast with my college core group, where I finally met An,
-trekked down the Snoqualmie Falls with the boys from the brother floor (can you believe we met the first week of college and are still friends?), and
-had a great lovefest with all the college roomies in my grandfather's beautiful lakehouse (might be the last time I enjoy that house).
-oh, we also drove through my first snowstorm, had to walk down Grandpa's steep driveway in the snow, in heels, and worried about being snowed in the day before I was supposed to fly back to Oklahoma.

4. Made my much anticipated trip to Austin, TX:
-ate my first Tex-Mex with Sami (completing the core group circle),
-hung out with Katy Klusmeier (such a great girl, so friendly and encouraging!),
-witnessed a liberal city in the South (thank God),
-actually saw people out running for exercise who were over the age of 20 and living in the South,
-listened to some great music,
-made my first male friends since I've moved to the heartland,
-visited Chris Tomlin's old church, and
-began dreaming more seriously of migrating to Austin once finished with my master's.

Now I'm sitting in the office avoiding reading various autobiographies of Malcom X, Nelson Mandela, Maya Angelou, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Benjamin Franklin, and Barbara Walters. This post is already so long, I don't know if I should elaborate on any of it (I love how I think I'm writing to an audience), so I might just end it with that. Though I do wish I could be more creative and poetic than listing my fun events (one reason I thought I would try this blog thing), I find myself already tired and lacking in words. Perhaps I will conclude this post and begin another one, fresh for creativity.