And I have my life back now...

Hello faithful friends, fam, and random readers! I would like to announce that I finally have my life back.

Well, I guess technically I never lost it, but as you can see by the date of my last post, I have been off this thing for...well...wayy too long. A lot has changed since my last post, so here's a quick update:

I completed my internship - which I LOVED. I loved loved loved my cooperating teacher, the administration of the school, the other teachers and staff who helped mold me, and most of all I loved my students. The whole reason I want to teach middle school students is because I feel that so many adults underestimate them. They think middle schoolers are too young to understand the depths and complexities of human relationships, emotions, and conflicts. People often think middle schoolers are changing too much to retain any true knowledge, and are more concerned with their wardrobe than their character or future career. But I completely disagree, and after my internship, I know that those who think these things are wrong. My students thought on the level of college students. I'm not exaggerating, either. I was shown that no matter what age, literature tells the eternal truths of what it means to be a human, and as long as you are a human being, you can relate to it and understand its depths. On the contrary to what many educated folks might think, from my experience, I think that middle schoolers are actually MORE-abled to understand literature than adults, because they are more in-tune with their feelings and the conflicts of emotions in their relationships. Adults (even high schoolers) have trained themselves to ignore their feelings, or bury their feelings, in order to cope with the painful relationships they have in their lives. They are less likely to see what's really going on in a work of literature, because they have trained themselves to become blind to problems or their true feelings. Perhaps saying they have trained themselves is incorrect - perhaps more fitting is to say that they have lost their capability, the "use it or lose it" theory at work. Let me use a short story we read in our class this last semester to elaborate. In Avi's story "What Do Fish Have to Do With Anything?" there are cave-dwelling fish who are blind because they live in darkness. They are born with fully-functioning eyes, but over time the fish become blind simply because they do not use their eyes. Because they don't use their sight, they forget how to see.  I would say many adults tend to fall into this category, simply because they've chosen to forget their feelings, or the feelings of others, to preserve themselves. They choose forgetting to cope with their pain or confusion or anger. And they are fully justified, and even rightly so. I have trained myself to forget many painful experiences from my past. And I think that often that's what we must do to move on with our lives. "To forgive we must forget." Middle schoolers are on the brink of adulthood - they are experiencing relationships in ways they never have before, and their emotions are so new and raw they are the most powerful sensation they feel - they can't help but talk about them in relation to characters or scenarios. We had more powerful conversations in our 6th grade classroom this spring than I had in my college courses - simply because these students (these middle schoolers) are more in tune with their emotions within their complex relationships. Many are choosing whether to confess their feelings, or bury them for the first time - forming those habits. I want to teach English at the middle school level to provide a place where my students can learn to choose to confess, rather than bury their feelings. In dealing with the raw emotions, I hope for them to know themselves and work out a way to deal with their relationships. I want them to see their choice in the scheme of things, and navigate the waters of feeling, forgetting, forgiving, and then giving to others - giving what they want, when they want, to who they want. Learning how to be safe, be risky, be merciful.  Hell, it helps me understand how to do so better, too. To navigate the feelings and questions and concerns I have. Because honestly, does it ever change? I always come back to the statement I always tell everyone when they ask me why I want to teach middle school: simply put, life doesn't really change that much past middle school.

Continuing with the updates...

I am certified to teach English language arts, grades 6-12, by the state of Oklahoma, and am waiting on transcripts to apply for my Texas certification.

I have moved to AUSTIN, TX! (Well, technically I live in a town called Round Rock, about 15 miles north of the heart of the city, because this is where my roommate connection lives). I absolutely LOVE it here - love the city, love the fun things to do, love the people to hang out with. I am feeling that loneliness that accompanies any move - the ache of having a close friend who knows you well, supports and encourages you - someone you can just watch tv with or chat about your day with. Yet I know this loneliness will fade in time as I make more friends. Good friends don't come easily, nor quickly.

The only complaint I have about my life right now is that I don't have a job... All of those I love have been so encouraging, though. They tell me on average it takes a couple of months to find work. I have only been here in Austin for about three weeks, and I have friends who have been looking for a good job (full-time, with benefits, that they can actually use their degree for) since we graduated college in 2008. But still, I want to feel like I have a purpose here. You know, actually contributing to society through working - something I can take pride in, feel needed for. I guess right now though I need to realize most people my age are having a hard time... and it's our opportunity to develop patience, relationships, charity, and frugality. I try to take comfort in the fact that I'm not in this alone. But still, I wish I could be doing something with my days other than writing, reading, and exploring. I think if I don't find something soon, I might begin volunteering at a Presbyterian organization downtown that works with foster kids and families. They have educational tutors, and even though it's not school time, perhaps I can still help in some way. I'll let you all know what comes of my professional life as soon as something changes. There's a teaching job fair this Thursday, so I'm hoping to find something through that. I will be humble, and look at those who want/need me, rather then simply looking for what I want.

Until then...hope you all are enjoying your life the most that's possible. Hopefully I won't take too long to update again.