Life is still going great. I am about to finish my second summer course this week and on Sunday I'm heading to Santa Fe, New Mexico for my final summer course on Paint-Write.
This month has been very full of learning and loving. Two of my dearest friends here in Norman have decided to separate from their husbands and most likely will end up getting a divorce. One of my friends has two small children and will actually be living down the street from me. Because of her husband's drug use, I think she is making the right decision to separate from him and move with the kids to a different house. I am excited they will be living so close - I plan on visiting them often, eating dinner, riding bikes, and going to the park or on adventurous walks together.
It is ironic that two of my closest friends here are going through such difficult times in their marriage at the same time that I have decided to go to counseling to talk about my own past relationships and all the emotions and thoughts I've been trying to sort out about them. I've been meeting with a counselor here at school once a week since the beginning of July. It has been very beneficial and I am getting so much out of it. I feel like I'm able to see myself in a whole new light - more truthful, honest, and self-aware. It's been a blessing that I have been talking about my own feelings and emotions with a counselor - I feel it helps me talk with my friends, and I also feel like I can legitimately encourage them to go to counseling to help process all that they are going through.
The biggest thing I have learned so far from all of these things is that what matters most is how we as people treat each other. I have learned that to love someone is to place their feelings and emotions before your own, but also to be honest with yourself and your partner about your own feelings and emotions, so that your partner can know what's going on with you and how they are a part of it. I also believe that you need to know yourself and be confident in who you are first before you can be with someone else. When the shit hits the fan, you can't look to your spouse or significant other to tell you who you are; you must be sure of who you are so that if every other person rejects you, you can be OK with only yourself as the only human being who is "with" you - confident that regardless of what the entire rest of the world might say or think about you, you have been true to yourself.
One of my professors at SPU told me he believed the world was made of two types of people: those who know deep down they are loved, and those who do not. I have come back to this statement numerous times, wondering how much I believe it to be true. I think it is extremely important to know that deep down we are loved completely and unconditionally simply for being. God is love, and therefore whatever he has created has been made from love. We have a place in this world, and we are meant to be here.
I think it is important to be as honest with ourselves as possible. If we cannot be honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with others? And if we're not honest with others, then how can we ever be loved for exactly who we are? And vice verse, how can we truly love others if we're not being honest with them? Although it's difficult and scary at times to be honest with ourselves and others, it's the only way we can experience true love, and a truly fulfilled life. At least that's what I have concluded after all I have experienced in this last month.
